Still Humming

the hum is obscured but still there
the hum is obscured but still there

It’s been exactly two months since my life was rebooted and it’s still not completely stable. Every day a new challenge appears and I’m facing many of them alone for the first time in my adult life.

At this time on that day, I was racking my brain as to what I could do to show her how far I was willing to go to keep her. I put was wearing the shirt she said was her favorite. I made sure to do an excellent job of shaving. I worked out some time that we could be together without the kids.

These were all desperate last gasps. I should have known she was done with me … but I didn’t. I wasn’t ready to give up.

The following week was a sleepless blur. I was alternately relieved, panicked, elated, destroyed. After a while, I turned here and posted about the hum of life. Today, on the anniversary of the breakup, I took the same picture I did in that post.

I’ve changed nearly as much as the photo.

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A Week

... and in and out of weeks
… and in and out of weeks

… through night and day, and in and out of weeks, and almost over a year …

I’m still obsessing with time and how much I have or don’t have. How much I’m using, spending, or wasting. How much I’m living and how much I’m existing.

The image above is just a tiny bit of what happened in this one week … and I left out all of the big events. These are just the ephemera.

… It takes me a day to remember a day …

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